That's been the opening of my show for the last couple of episodes. It was never supposed to be a tag line, but it's morphed into one. I guess I surprise myself every time I show up. It's been part of "Discovering Discipline && Finding Freedom."
My last blog post was January 23rd, 2024 and too much time has passed. It's not that I don't have anything to write about because again... I love to write and will never be short of content or ideas; it's that I get anxiety. I feel uneasy that I haven't written in awhile, it builds into me freezing up, and then not wanting to create at all.
So here I am. If I were a painter I would sit down with a paintbrush and a blank canvas and see what manifests. As a writer... I just need to start babbling words. Hopefully they make sense and are coherent.
Instead of writing an article today I figured I'd share a poem I wrote. I've been struggling with my place of residence and wanting to escape. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore and love my apartment. I truly will miss it and forever cherish my time spent here as it was my first apartment, but I am ready to move to a new city. I am looking for a city that thrives in culture with art, fashion, and music. I am in the wrong place for that kind of vibrant lifestyle. I currently live in Raleigh, NC which is perfect for those going to college, are in the STEM field, or want to start a family. The two most popular activities people do around here is ride bikes or go to a brewery. None of that appeals to me anymore even though it did at one point.
I appreciated my time here and had a wonderful career in civil engineering, but that's not where my heart is anymore. I got burned out and honestly just feels like a "been there done that" situation. The projects change and problems to solve are always different, but overall I've seen what the industry is and I can predict it's not going to change much in the next 10-20 years. Getting my own office and managing projects doesn't sound like a dream to me... it sounds like a drab existence (for me personally). I still highly recommend the industry to those who are genuinely passionate. Please don't let my feelings deter you or anyone from the field. It is extremely rewarding in numerous aspects. I love civil and environmental engineering. I will also always carry that title of engineer with me because it doesn't just magically disappear overnight. These are skills and knowledge that I get to have for the rest of my life.
My poem draws inspiration not only from longing for a new place of residence, but my past struggles of engineering. "Can't pass" is in reference to taking my licensing exam 7x while "broke ass" is how much time & money I've spent on that exam. I literally cannot fathom sitting for it one more time even though it has been extremely hard to walk away from when I felt like I was "so close" to passing. Trust me it STILL crosses my mind that maybe I should try one more time. It kills me. I really need to move. Move away and move on from my past.
Moving
written by Elektra Flora
I got a hunch
That I'm too much
Studying physics
Writing lyrics
Exploring my soul
Required to pay a toll
Money for my rhymes
Paying in dimes
Broke ass
Can't pass
Broken heart
Torn apart
That's the deal
If I wanna heal
Former purgatory
New territory
Journey to an unknown land
Hideaway beach with sand
Calming waves
Soothing days
Letting go of a tumultuous past
Peace && serenity for me at last
🌅🌊
Creativity ebbs & flows just like the ocean. When it is calm appreciate the stillness. When it has waves... ride them.
xo,
Elektra
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