10 of Wands && A Short-Lived Love Affair

Hello World.

It’s me. Elektra Flora. I’m back.

Tarot Card of the Day: 10 of Wands

Moon: Sagittarius Waning Gibbous

Mood: Sad Girl

Photos shown below are a hodge-podge of my daily life lately. It is quiet with extensive studying. As far as being active I go on walks, practice yoga, and orbiting. I started cooking for myself and making some amazing healthy dishes I invented.

I feel completely lost in life. I thought I had things figured out and it was going to be an upward trajectory after my divorce, but it turns out things only got worse.

I don’t want to say or mention said “things.” It’s not because I’m ashamed or give a fuck what people think, but in terms of spirituality I just don’t want to get sucked further into negative thinking. That’s why I’m writing on my blog. I need to write more. I need momentum. I need something positive. I need to focus on what brings me joy.

I haven’t worked full-time since April 2023. I can’t believe I’ve gone this long without being employed or having health insurance. I can tell you that things are getting scary now. I haven’t seen any doctors or dentists. I’m getting older. My body isn’t the same. It sucks looking at all the scars because if that’s the physical trauma shown on my body visibly… imagine all the non-visible scars. The hurt, pain, loss, and events that have changed me as a person. Those are traumas I carry inside me.

One thing I learned in yoga school is that the body carries trauma. Trauma is stored in different parts of the body including the heart and hips. That’s why people cry during yoga. It’s very natural and people sometimes can’t even pinpoint why they are crying. It’s important to just let it out. Crying is healing. Water is healing.

I’ve learned that we as humans sometimes actually never heal from some traumas. We just learn to live with them. It's important that I understand that life lesson, because it seems like all I do is have trauma after trauma. I know I mentioned that in my last post and it's probably because I'm heartbroken. Just when I thought things were "chill" in my life I had to fall in love with someone who was completely unavailable. Why do I do these things to myself? I blame my Moon in Pisces && Venus in Taurus for the romance yearning. I can't help it I desire to be in love and not just any love... an extremely passionate one. That type of love is something I can return and why I seek such depth in the first place.

Life has been so difficult lately there’s times when I don't get out of bed. I literally have nothing motivating me. It’s even difficult to create regardless of me having a million ideas. I just don’t feel good. I feel extremely sad, hopeless, depressed, and sometimes even suicidal. 

I’m an artist now though. With that being said, let me share a poem. It's my way of transmuting pain. It was written for the person I was falling for, but I guess that has dissolved now. A lesson learned from 10 of Wands. We both were too passionate and that led to the fire burning out quickly. 

A Short-Lived Love Affair

by Elektra Flora

I miss you and your hair

All the bracelets that you wear

I miss your voice && warm embrace

Staring contests with your face

Being in the present

It’s more than contentment

Grounding && stability

You have that ability

Will you please forgive me?

I know I’m a lousy human-being

I wasn’t good enough back then

Give me time to learn to love again

I own my mistakes

I’ll do whatever it takes

Never question day or night

I promise to always love you right

As painful as this relationship was I learned a very hard lesson. Don't fall in love quickly. Love takes time.

I know myself too well at this point. It’s now 2AM and if I don’t post this mumbo-jumbo of a blog post it will just continue to sit in my drafts. 

My goal is to write more consistently. Please don’t let me sleep my life away.

Stay true to yourself- even if it's annoying, cringe, or not what everyone else does.

xo,

Elektra Flora