Drowning on My Neptune AC Line && At a Crossroads

!! TRIGGER WARNING !! Topics of Suicide and Reckless Behavior !! Please read with care !!

I didn’t know that coming back from Asia was going to be such a difficult adjustment. I’ve had nausea time and time again as the food in America is filled with so many preservatives and nowhere near as clean as the food I was eating in Bali. I had insomnia the first couple of weeks because I couldn’t adjust to the time difference with Bali and the East Coast of the USA being 12 hours apart. I’m broke because I spent every cent I made traveling and haven’t worked full-time in over two years. I feel like I’m stuck in a loop. I just want to scream my head off.

The Compass Within

(written by me, Elektra Flora)

Everything feels hazy

I swear I’m not lazy

Hanging on by a thread

Sometimes wishing I were dead

Not sure what to do anymore

Circumstances I never planned for

Lights are dim

Let me sing this hymn

Dear God, please point me in the right direction

I’m waiting at this intersection

Where science and art meet

They shouldn't have to compete

Time is passing me by

All I want to do is to live my life

Which way shall I go?

There shouldn't only be one road

I wish I had a guide, but

The compass seems to come from inside

Let my higher self lead

To find my most authentic me

Wow… I just pulled that outta my ass. Not bad. I just let my words flow. I need to practice writing.

I am sitting here with espresso ready to apply to jobs, but I couldn’t. Instead I’ve put on rock/emo music from my teenage days and singing at the top of my lungs. I also needed to write for a cathartic release. I have so many swirling and twirling thoughts going on inside my head I can’t even focus on one thing. My clothes are on the floor in a gigantic pile because I don’t have a walk-in closet like I used to have at my apartment. I have debt collectors calling me constantly. I don’t have dental or health insurance to get my teeth cleaned or see a dermatologist (my skin is all splotchy and losing it’s color; I think I have vitiligo like Michael Jackson…). I know I gained weight because my clothes are tight. Life is hard right now and I can’t even light one up to relax. 

Somehow… This low point is not as bad as it has been in the past. My previous depression episodes were so intense I was extremely reckless genuinely hoping something bad would happen to me. I used to meet men off the internet (mostly Craigslist) at their homes hoping one day I’d meet a killer and he would just kill me because I was too chicken shit to do it myself.

I was so desperate for attention that being killed would suffice considering someone murdering me would have to focus on me.

Yah… that’s how dark it got when I first moved here to NC. I used to cry ALL THE TIME. I used to drink A LOT. I used to hate myself. I hated my life. I didn't care if I lived or died.

Now… I’m just begging to please God get me out of this situation. Save me from my circumstances. I didn’t mean to dig myself into a hole. Life has never been easy for me. I was raised in a low income, single-parent home, and never talked about my feelings. Everything was always bottled up. This is the result.

I wonder how different my life would’ve been if I would’ve explored music and writing instead of engineering. I dedicated my life to learning mathematics and wanting to help provide clean water to communities. Now-a-days my passion is stormwater infrastructure. Intense storms are becoming more frequent and flooding is an issue. I want to help people and our planet.

I’m at a crossroads where science and art meet. I don’t know which way to go. 

Meditation at EDCLV 2025

I had to take a "substance abuse test" for a job I was offered

Job offer was rescinded bc of marijuana

I want to let readers know that I would never harm myself. I have found God/My Higher Self/Universal Consciousness and these challenges will only make me stronger. I believe in reincarnation and suicide will only result in me having to come back to Earth and play this game again. I DO NOT WANT TO COME BACK HERE.

I do not know exactly where my next life will take me, but I know it will be in a higher dimension. I WILL ASCEND.

I come from the Pleiades. I know it in my heart and feel it in my soul. I am a lightworker, starseed, and have the markings of an Indigo Child. I learned about all this from my galactic birthchart… it is written in the stars so no I’m not just making it up.

As you can see below my most recent reincarnation was my tightest conjunction of 0.04 orb from my Sun in Taurus with Pleiades conjunct Maia at 29 deg 29 sec. My Indigo Child marking of Chiron in Gemini with Lepus conjunct Nihal at 19 deg 29 sec with a 0.39 orb. Having a less than 1 degree orb is extremely tight in the astrology world.

My Galactic Birthchart. Conjunctions show past lives and galaxy origins.

I’m sorry my artwork sucks right now. Everything is just so hazy... it's due to me living on my Neptune AC line. 

I don't care if I'm cringe. Welcome to being an artist.

I promise it’ll lighten up and be more positive, but this is my current circumstances and I just want to communicate my struggles. If anyone else is going through hard times just know that it doesn’t last forever.

We will get through this rough patch.

Take care. <3333

In Light && Love,

Elektra Flora

PS: If you or someone you know needs someone to talk to or having suicidal thoughts please use this free service. https://988lifeline.org/